


ultimately I believe we'll be okay

by PanicAtTheEverywhere (DapperMuffin)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Depressed Morality | Patton Sanders, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Multi, watching Disney movies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:40:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24898576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DapperMuffin/pseuds/PanicAtTheEverywhere
Summary: "It's so cliché to say these things, but repetition is a key / I think I'm better when I'm with you / But I worry when you're gone..."Being in his apartment alone gets to be too much for Patton. It gets to his head. But his boyfriends rush to the rescue, and while that doesn't fix everything, it does make Patton feel better.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton
Comments: 4
Kudos: 74





	ultimately I believe we'll be okay

**Author's Note:**

> im not sure if that summary's very good, but it's better than what i usually say so oh well
> 
> title and the lyrics in the summary from Ultimately by Khai Dreams, a song i personally have a deep connection to. enjoy

Patton jumped, blinking as he resurfaced out of his thought-induced reverie. His phone vibrated a familiar pattern in his pocket, and despite having recognized said pattern, he still had to check the caller ID.

_Virgil,_ it read. Patton smiled at the contact photo he'd chosen, a candid picture he'd taken of Virgil when the emo hadn't been looking. It was a pretty photo, and even though Virgil had raised a fuss, pouting as he demanded that Patton delete it, Patton had decided to keep it.

Although the picture was a little over a year old now.

He really needed more pictures of Virgil, huh?

"Agh, no," he said. "C'mon, Patton, don't get distracted! Answer the call, silly!" He swiped left.

Neither spoke right away, each waiting for the other to speak first. The only thing Patton could hear from his end was Virgil's slightly labored breathing.

"Hey, Virge?" he asked, concerned about the sound of the breathing and curious as to the reason for the call. "What's up? Something wrong?"

"I…" Virgil sighed. "I dunno. Sorry, I probably didn't need— didn't need to call you, I just needed— to, to hear your voice. It's stupid, I know. You know what, never mind."

"Wait!" Patton exclaimed, astonished. "Don't go, it's okay! You're not bothering me or anything, I promise." Virgil let out a relieved breath. "I was just thinking when you called, actually, I was feeling a bit lonely myself. With Roman out of town, and Logan staying with you…" Patton chuckled half-heartedly, deep blue eyes downcast.

"Speaking of," he changed the subject, "where is Logan? You wouldn't have called me if he were there, right?"

"That's not true," Virgil protested. "Although Logan _is_ out right now, getting groceries, or whatever." There was a momentary silence as they each pondered what to would say.

"Do you need me to come over?"

"No, it's fine, Pat. You shouldn't have to go out of your way just to make me feel better. Besides, Logan'll be home soon."

Patton attempted to stifle first his disappointment that Virgil hadn't asked for him and second the irrational flash of jealousy and longing that came with Virgil referring to his and Logan's shared apartment as _home._

None of them had a house big enough for their three boyfriends to move in, so for the moment, they were forced to split into pairs. One pair shared Patton's and Virgil's apartments at all times. Every so often (typically every few weeks), they'd shuffle around so they wouldn't have to miss each other for too long. That wasn't to say that they didn't practically live at each others' houses already, there simply wasn't enough space to live there full-time.

And now Roman had left town for a callback he was excited for. If he got the part, he'd be filming closer to home, but the callbacks took place in a studio a few hours away. It had only been a little over 24 hours now, but Patton had already begun to miss him. At the moment, Logan and Virgil were sharing Virgil's place while Roman stayed with Patton, but with Roman gone, Patton was all by himself.

Over the years, Patton had come to need constant validation to combat the self-deprecation and feelings of being alone that had come with his depression. Now, he could still receive that validation if he were to text Logan or Virgil, but he couldn't help the nagging sensation that he was bothering them.

"Patton?" Patton blinked, he'd been stuck in his own head again. Clearly Virgil had been talking, but Patton hadn't been listening.

"Sorry, Vee," he replied sheepishly. "I got distracted, I wasn't listening."

"Well, I was just saying that Logan's back now, so…" A rumble of a voice that was probably Logan's muttered something from next to Virgil, and Virgil agreed quietly. "Hey, Pat, I'm gonna give Lo the phone, okay?"

"Hello, Patton," greeted Logan warmly in his familiar dulcet tones, the kind of warmth that he reserved solely for his boyfriends, and Patton almost broke down right then. He took a shaky breath to steady himself before he could speak again.

"Hey, Logan." His voice cracked on the second syllable of his boyfriend's name, and Patton winced.

"Are you alright?" Patton grimaced. Logan sounded worried now, which meant he could tell something was up.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Patton wrung his hands, hoping the conversation would shift soon. "Nothing's wrong," he reiterated. Logan's silence was so pointed that Patton could practically hear his raised eyebrow.

Logan sighed, and Patton could imagine him running a hand absently through his smoothly gelled black hair. "If something was wrong, you would tell us, correct?"

"You know we won't judge," came Virgil's slightly muffled voice. "We've all been through some hard stuff, remember?"

"I… I don't know if I can…" Patton leaned against the counter top, suddenly feeling as if he couldn't get enough air.

"It's alright," Logan assured, and Patton could hear his smile, and suddenly it was too much.

He let out a strangled sob, clutching at his head.

"I… I'm sorry, I don't know what's— what's wrong," he said through tears, his chest heaving and eyes blurry.

"That's it." A clattering came from the other end of the line, almost as if someone had stood. "We're coming over there."

"No, no, you don't have to do— to do that," hiccuped Patton.

"Too late, we're coming!" said Virgil, sounding as though he was holding the phone once more. "Logan's gonna drive, I'm gonna stay on the line, okay? We'll be there in a few minutes, Patton."

Patton sniffled, smiling faintly through the tears that kept streaming down his cheeks. "Okay. See you soon."

Then there was the sound of, presumably, Logan and Virgil running down the stairs, which was unusual for Virgil and more so for Logan. Several doors slammed, and soon a car alarm beeped as said car unlocked.

"Hurry up, buckle up," snapped Logan briskly, and Virgil audibly dropped the phone (hopefully into his lap) as he fumbled with the buckle.

"Operation Cheer Up Patton is go, I guess," Virgil snorted into his phone. He lowered his voice. "Y'know, Logan is taking this very seriously. Of course, he doesn't know the name of the operation, but he started sprinting for the staircase before I'd even stood up!" Patton smiled; _that_ he could imagine. While not a lot of things could motivate Logan to full-on sprint, his boyfriends were one of the few things that would.

"Whoa, shit!" Virgil swore with no warning. "Sorry, Pat, it's just— LOGAN! Jesus fucking Christ, slow down! At this rate, we're gonna crash!" He panted slightly. "Sorry, Patton. I know you don't like it when we swear, but now I know why we never let Logan drive! He drives like a maniac." Logan muttered something Patton couldn't hear. "Yeah, I don't _care_ why we're speeding, Logan! I don't want to go to jail!"

"Virgil, what's going on?" Patton knew he sounded worried, but it didn't matter because he was.

"Sorry, Patton. I bet that was scary, me just yelling out of nowhere. It's okay, we're okay. Nothing happened. Logan's just a crazy driver, is all." The sounds of the car slowed, quieted, then came to a stop, probably as the car did. "Hey, we're here, we'll be right up."

Virgil didn't talk as he and Logan ascended in the elevator, but Patton listened quietly all the same. Right now he was latching onto the quiet sounds of his boyfriends' breathing as if for dear life.

The elevator dinged that familiar sound Patton had heard every day for years now, the sound that signaled that you'd reached your floor. Presumably, Logan and Virgil had stepped out.

"We're almost there," Virgil murmured into his phone. The sounds of… running?... soon started up again, stopping on the other side of Patton's door. "I'm here," he said as he opened the door, and Patton heard an echo for a moment until Virgil hung up the call.

Virgil was standing in his doorway, panting, face flushed, hair mussed, but Patton thought he had never seen anything more beautiful. Logan stood just behind him, face neutral as always, but the slight tilt to his eyebrows told Patton he was worried.

"Hey," Virgil said, a lopsided half-smile on his face. "You okay?"

Patton raised a hand to his face. He still seemed to be crying. "Better now you're here." He tried to laugh but it came out choked, and he wiped at his cheeks again.

Virgil hurried over to Patton, who still leaned on the counter to keep his balance. Logan soon followed, closing the door behind them as he approached. Virgil placed a gentle hand on Patton's face, using his thumb to further dry his face.

"What's wrong, Patton?" asked Logan. He took one of Patton's hands in both of his own and squeezed gently.

Patton sniffed. "I don't really know. It's the depression, I'm sure, but— I feel so alone sometimes, you know? Roman's gone and you're both staying at Virgil's, it's… hard for me."

Virgil was gazing at Patton like he was the only person in the universe, or the only one that mattered, anyway. His brown eyes were filled with such concern and compassion for Patton, and his hand felt pleasantly warm against Patton's skin.

On the other hand, Logan's gray-blue eyes were searching for something within Patton's own ocean blues, his hands colder than Patton's, but not unpleasantly so.

"Honey, that's not true." Logan lifted Patton's hand up to his mouth and very lightly brushed his lips against the back of Patton's hand. Patton barely suppressed the shiver that threatened to run down his spine. "You're not alone, I promise."

"You know you can talk to us," interjected Virgil, stressing the last three words. "You're not a bother, I worry about that too! It's alright, sunshine." His brows furrowed as he thought. "Why don't you stay with us until Roman gets back?"

"There's not enough space," argued Patton.

"We'll _make_ space," Logan said firmly. "This matters to you, and therefore it matters to us."

"Okay," Patton said. He'd stopped crying, and he wiped at the last of the tears with the sleeves of his cat hoodie. He seemed vulnerable, and Virgil couldn't help but wrap his arms around his boyfriend. Soon he felt Logan's arms wrap around the both of them as well.

"Why don't we cuddle?" suggested Logan quietly into Patton's hair. The black-haired man usually didn't initiate contact, so this was a rare opportunity and they took him up on it immediately.

Patton's bed was warm and covered in a million pillows. Virgil shoved a few to the side so they could lie down. Patton positioned himself directly in between his boyfriends, tugging them closer to him.

"Is this helping?" asked Virgil.

Patton thought. "You know what, I think it is." He squeezed Virgil's hand and buried his face in Logan's chest. "It doesn't quite make up for Roman not being here, but it sure does help."

Something clattered in another room, and Patton frowned, sitting up to listen. He held a finger to his lips, and Virgil sat up to join him.

Keys jangled, and Patton stood slowly. Who could be in their apartment?

He crept over to the door, peering out cautiously—and was met with a welcome sight. That windswept brown hair, those bright green eyes; there was only one person it could've been.

"Roman?" slipped out of his mouth, and Roman turned to look at him, expression a little guilty.

"I'm back early. I meant to surprise you, mi alma." Patton loved that familiar lopsided grin of Roman's.

"How'd it go?"

Roman beamed, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "I got the part! They loved me!" Patton barreled towards him, throwing himself into Roman's arms, and Roman spun him around before setting him down. Their laughs met in the air, Roman's deep, hearty chuckle intermingling with Patton's higher giggle.

"You did it! I'm so proud of you, and I missed you," Patton murmured into Roman's lips, eyes closed.

Logan and Virgil now stood in the doorway, watching with loving eyes.

"We were just having a cuddle puddle. What do you say, Ro? Wanna join?" Virgil asked nonchalantly.

"Duh," was Roman's only response. "I'd never skip out on a cuddle puddle. But I've got an even better idea than doing it in bed." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Patton playfully smacked his arm. "Why don't we bring the blankets and pillows out here? Make a fort? Watch some movies?"

"That is acceptable," replied Logan, but the corners of his mouth had curled up.

"Yeah, sure," shrugged Virgil.

"That sounds great, let's do it!" exclaimed Patton happily, blue eyes glimmering excitedly.

It's possible that Patton jumpscared Logan by hiding in a closet while they were looking for pillows. And maybe Virgil tripped several times on the same leg of the couch on the way to and from the living room. Perhaps Roman and Virgil ended up arguing over who should get the Lilo & Stitch pillow.

It was a joint effort to position the couches so that they could drape several blankets over it. Logan and Roman pushed one couch while Patton and Virgil took the other. Out of the four of them, Roman worked out the most and was the most outwardly buff, but Patton, despite his lack of height and cuddly appearance, was also deceptively strong, as they'd learned when he'd taken to picking them up to princess-carry his boyfriends around their apartments.

Once the blanket fort was in place, Patton stood back to survey their work. Roman, on the other hand, didn’t wait even a moment to lie down, and Logan shook his head in mock exasperation before the other three joined him.

Patton ended up in the technical “center” of their cuddle puddle, although with four of them it was hard to tell where the center was. Still, amidst their tangled limbs, Patton felt safe there, with the three loves of his life.

Having his boyfriends with him certainly didn’t make his depression go away—nothing could do that, Patton had to heal—but it definitely helped to quiet the nasty little voice in his head that told him he wasn’t worth loving. Like this, with the fire in the fireplace and the sounds of _Moana_ starting to play, embraced in his boyfriends’ arms, he could pretend he was all better. And for now, that’s really all Patton can do.


End file.
